DECLARATION YA NO ESTOY ESCONDIDO
I AM NO LONGER HIDDEN
AN ORIGIN STORY
AWAKE! | DESPERTAR!
A Cryptic Poem
By Ephraim D'Angelo
My Brethren my cousins
Let not your heart be faint
We grow by the dozens
In the secret place of constraint
In all of our passions of art
Deep anguish and depths of wane
The cryptic signs of our heart
Remembering the bloody stains
Bitter and angry I know
For tricks and betrayals amiss
So many a mortal blow
Crying out for an ancient bliss
Forget, FORGET, LET ME DIE, WE CRY
Sorrowfully, wearily vexed
Exiled, expelled, marginalized and distilled
The crushing just strengthens reflex
Let me find you my cousin
We will be lost together
In this arid waterless basin
Hold this my tether, let's do this together
I am no longer hiding! I declare
Who understands this shout
I have no clout
That's not what this is about.
My Brethren my cousins
I raise this banner
From within my bosom
In no brash manner
For glory and honor
The chosen are known
No longer will we wander
No longer be alone
I Am No Longer Hidden
En Español
Mis hermanos mis primos
No permitas que tu corazón sea débil
Crecemos por docenas
En el lugar secreto de la restricción
En todas nuestras pasiones de arte
Angustia profunda y profundidades de decadencia
Los signos crípticos de nuestro corazón
Recordando a las manchas sangrientas
Amargado y enojado que sé
Para trucos y traiciones Amiss
Tantos un golpe mortal
Clamando por una antigua felicidad
Olvida, olvida, déjame morir, lloramos
Tristemente, con cansancio vejado
Exiliado, expulsados, los marginados y destilada
El aplastamiento sólo fortalece reflex
Déjame encontrar a mi primo
Vamos a perdernos juntos
En esta cuenca árida sin agua
Mantenga esta mis fuerzas, vamos a hacer esto juntos
Ya No Estoy Escondido! declaro ¿Quién entiende este grito No puede haber ninguna duda No tengo ninguna influencia Mis hermanos mis primos Planteo esta bandera Desde dentro de mi pecho En ningún modo temerario Por la gloria y el honor Los elegidos son conocidos Ya no vamos a pasear Ya no estar solo
Ya no Estoy Escondido!
Ya No Estoy Escondido, translates to; I am no longer hiding or hidden. This project began somewhere around 2010, and was born out of an earlier project that started in 2008 called Finding Ephraim during the first year of my families Hebraic Roots Journey. I used the terminology Hebraic roots in a general way here.
I have always been a writer, keeping journals about my life, writing stories, songs, poetry, and am currently writing a book. So, it was natural for me to take the journey of “crossing over” through writing. I was in the media industry earlier in life working as a production assistant at WSET ABC13 and as a typesetter at two newspapers, the News & Advance in Virginia and the Monte Vista Journal/Valley Courier; sister papers in the San Luis Valley in Southern Colorado.
I continued my Communications degree at Santa Fe University of Art & Design which unfortunately closed its doors before I could finish. During the time I attended SFUAD (2014), our family had already been aware of our mutual Sephardic roots for over 6 years, and I utilized my time there to develop my ideas for Ya No Estoy Escondido into a plan, my heart has been burning with this for many years.
I have been a minister for many years in the Christian world including a Worship leader, a church Treasurer, a teacher, but I had been waiting many more years for God to give the word to start a ministry because I only wanted to do His will, and His work and not my own. Since learning about the compromised foundation of orthodox Judaism, which we practiced for three years I was done with the Traditions of the Fathers as well as man-made religious institutions, no matter how old, for good. Yeshua (Jesus) was always at odds with these same religious institutions calling them vipers and blind guides.
I continued to serve the body of believers in the Messianic world since moving to New Mexico in 2010. All of this experience matters because I have learned what God really wants from me, and I have gained a clearer understanding of the way ahead.
As my family traversed the rocky and mountainous terrain of this journey of awakening, I came to see clearly that our people (the descendants of the Sephardim i.e., Jews of Spain/Portugal) have been in a state of hopeless, forgotten-ness. I came to see that our current state of thinking, feeling, and behaving is a direct result of 443 years of running, and hiding because of constant persecution and threat of death. I get that number from the persecutions beginning in the 1390’s and ending (mostly) in 1834 when the office of the Spanish Inquisition finally closed its doors.
I have come to see and understand so many things about the behaviors of the Hispanic/Latino people because of my own Torah knowledge. The Torah is a word that refers to the 5 books of Moses, often identified as the Law of Moses, the first five books in every Holy Bible. Things about history that had not made sense, suddenly made sense when I looked through the lens of Bible history and Sephardic History.
The Spanish Inquisition itself officially operated from 1478-1834 and was brutal to the Spanish and Portuguese families for 356 years.
I began to see that we needed healing, not just as individuals but as a people, but some thing(s) were getting in the way. It seemed we were being systematically divided, kept in a state of constant competition. Anyone who has been in the Christian church knows how territorial Pastors are; traditions, doctrine, dogmas, holiness standards, godhead, idol worship, money, among many other things have continued to divide the body of believers, and that's just in church.
Once a person attempts to "cross over,” if you will, to Judaism people find a whole new set of questions and concepts. The greatest difficulty for us was being acknowledged as Jewish. Time and time again as we attempted to interact with “Jews” we were treated like liars. It wasn’t out right in nature but this subtle attitude of disdain. These are just a few examples of some of the difficulties.
The mass majority of Sephardic (Hispanic/Latino) people are still Catholics, and they can remain Catholics if they so desire. However, just as the Jews that suffered from the persecution and genocide of the holocaust needed healing, the descendants of the Sephardic Jews need healing from the effects of the Spanish Inquisition.
We have a heart to inspire the Sephardic families to be courageous and to make the declaration: Ya No Estoy Escondido!
More fuel was thrown onto this personal “Ya No Estoy Escondido,” fire when sometime that same year (2010), I questioned my Grandmother and my Dad about if they knew that their part of our family line was Jewish. Lisa and I had already been learning and practicing Orthodox Chassidic Judaism at that time and I had already unearthed some genealogical history from Stanley Hordes book; To the Ends of the Earth, the history of the Crypto-Jews of New Mexico, and other sources. I was looking for more direct clues to support what I had already discovered historically.
I sat my Grandmother Christina Hernandez (Mascarenas) with my Dad next to her and asked:
“Do you know anything about our family being Jewish or having Jewish ancestry?”
My Dad shrugged his shoulders, but my Grandma had it. Here whole life from the time she was little, unbeknownst to her, she had the clue. She only needed to be asked the right question. She looked up and off to her left in her memory, and after a moment excitedly replied:
“You know, my Daddy told me that our last name (Mascarenas), used to have an H, and that it was very important that I pass it on. I didn’t even remember that until now that you asked me.”
I find it fascinating that simply asking about Jewish heritage would bring to the surface such information let alone her somehow knowing that the answer related to the question.
My Grandma’s Daddy was Apolinar (Paul) Mascarenas, a direct descendant of the Portuguese ancestor Gonçalo de Azevedo Mascarenas the first Mascarenas to leave Portugal for the New World. Incidentally the surname itself means masked ones, this family surname was bestowed upon them by King Sancho I. The Mascarenhas Villa was given to Estevao Rodrigo, who signed the papers of the property by the name of Sancho Pires (Perez). I am still trying to learn more about this ancestor. He became the lord of the Mascarenhas property and was there after known as Estevao Rodrigues Senhor de Mascarenhas. After Gonçalo Azevedo Mascarenhas left Portugal the H was no longer used in the surname.
H REVEALED
This removed H in Hebrew is the letter ה vocalized as Hey and is a most significant letter choice for making a long-lasting statement. Ancient-Hebrew.org states:
History & Reconstruction
The Modern Hebrew, and original name for this letter, is hey, a Hebrew word meaning "behold," as when looking at a great sight. This word can also mean "breath" or "sigh," as one does when looking at a great sight. The meaning of the letter itself is behold, look, breath, sigh, reveal and revelation from the idea of revealing a great sight by pointing it out.
This removed H in Paleo-Hebrew is vocalized as Hey and is a most significant letter choice for making a long lasting statement, as in, HEY LOOK AT THIS!
This was the information my Grandma connected to my question of being Jewish or having Jewish ancestry. Not everybody in a Sephardic family received the clues that revealed this truth. In a large family (hers was 12 siblings) maybe one son and a daughter would receive any clues. The clues themselves were often a song, a psalm, a Jewish item like a mezuzah, or a Menorah. In my case a purposely removed orally transmitted letter. The items themselves had little meaning except a hidden personal value in its transmission, and the meaning was often unknown. Returning to Torah observance is the key to unlocking these kinds of clues; the meaning then becomes revealed.
MY DECLARATION
My own declaration happened at the university. I had put together a PowerPoint presentation along with a spiel, the development process was nerve racking. I was becoming more and more intense as I prepared. Then all of a sudden one day, I was punched in the stomach with all of these suppressed emotions, not just my own but it felt like generations of them. The week before the presentation I had an anxiety attack or two. I realized that I was facing this beast I didn’t even know was still there. The day itself was surreal, and somewhat of a blur, but I did it. I made a public declaration… “I am no longer hiding!”
After fifteen generations of being hidden, one descendant who returned to Torah observance beholds the clue that was left hundreds of years before.
As I, my wife and our family live now we do not worry about whether or not we are accepted by the modern institution of Judaism or what is now defined as a Jew. We know who we are and are everyday discovering what that means to us. This same journey is what we desire to offer others being drawn by something deep inside their souls. We want to offer people the opportunity to take this journey without the interference of religious ideas, or institutions.
Each individual needs to be able to take this journey on their own terms, facilitated with care, compassion and experience, and this we at TORAH Works Ministries have.
ABOUT US
Ephraim & Lisa Hernandez have been married for 18 years and raised 5 children together, they are the Founders of T.O.R.A.H. Works Ministries. Lisa plays the piano, the saxophone and is a repertoire of southern gospel, Spanish Apostolic, and Christian music. Ephraim has been a singer most of his life, plays the guitar and writes music. Together they formed She’ar Yashuv (Remnant to Yah Return) a family band with their three daughters Eloisa, Amarisya and Shimriya.
Their ministries being implemented are She’ar Yashuv, Worker of Light ASMR, Torah Works Broadcast Network, Ministry of Men, Husbands and Fathers, and Ya No Estoy Escondido.
TWM desires is to contribute to the unification of the body of believers by offering brethren opportunities to grow in ministry by establishing a channel or a blog through their website, or to join T.O.R.A.H. Works Ministries as a sponsor, donor, or volunteer.
The volunteer work is nearly always street ministry as TWM endeavors to support and minister to the homeless, support the widow, fatherless and poor among us.
TWM is looking for seed support for their non-profit, if you would like to support this ministry visit www.torahworks.net to become a sponsor.
In my next blog I share the first letter I wrote to Prime Minister Benyamin Netanyahu around 2012 about the Sephardim. I had fully expected him to reply, and my invitation to break bread to come to fruition, but my letter never made it to him. I will be publishing my writings, poems, and works relating to the Ya No Estoy Escondido project regularly so if you want notifications of a new blog post let me know via email and I can create a subscription button and add a notifications.
Ephraim D’Angelo
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